Look Back

Look back, look forward, stay present.

I love a good motivational quote. I’ve expressed before how Pinterest is one of my coping tools. There is one that comes up a lot which is “don’t look back, you’re not going that way”. Now, I get it, I do. There is another quote about living in the past is depression, living in the future is anxiety and living in the now is peace. (Definitely didn’t quote that right and can’t remember who it was).

Over the last few days I’ve been reflecting a lot on the past and dreaming a lot for the future. I don’t feel depressed and no more anxious than is my normal level at the moment though. I feel inspired and strong. 

I have been dreaming and planning for building the future of my dreams. I am grateful for what I have now but I have big dreams and big plans. Sitting purely in the now is not going to get me there. I believe I can, so I will. I have to get out of my own way.

There is such power in looking back. Living in the now is great, I truly believe this. Changing your mindset and focusing as much as you can on the positives can have tremendously great impacts on your mental wellbeing and your life in general.

At some point though, you have to look back. 

If you have experienced trauma of any kind and it is unresolved, you can sit in your present and work on happiness all you want, but it will likely come back to bite you. It will be holding you back in ways that you wouldn’t even have known. Only when you look back can you process this trauma, find forgiveness, peace and remove the limitations you have put on yourself as a result. Do this yourself, journal, scream, dance, meditate. Get help from a therapist, a life coach, a friend, or family. However you do it, believe me there is power in healing from these old wounds. 

There is also power in looking back to see just how far you have come. Since I started this blog in May 2017 (5 years ago!!!) so much has changed. I have faced so many challenges while healing and even added some new traumas. I have recently been receiving coaching in work to help with my personal development. I’ve also attended a “Play and Create” retreat day with @jennygilescreativerebel which was so eye opening to some of the reasons I’ve been feeling stuck. These have highlighted for me some of the big things that hold me back. Imposter syndrome is a huge one, but why? Finding the why of this and realising the root cause is helping me to process it and move on. I am living in the now and practising gratitude for everything I have. I am also still looking back though. No I’m not going that way, but if I ever want to move freely in the direction of my dreams, I need to break the chains that are weighing me down. To do this, I must look back.

I have in the last couple of days been having conversations where I’ve reflected on the journey so far. I’ve looked back at the old version of me and seen just how far I have come. I have been feeling a little stuck and lost lately but ooooosh this reflection is helping me. First to heal from some shit that is keeping me locked in place and also to see just how far I have come. I am a different person to who I was then. Another quote I love is something along the lines of “If you knew me before my healing, you don’t know me now, I put back my pieces differently” I have come a long way and I am so proud of the person I am now. I still have some healing to do and I believe we never stop learning, growing and changing, a fact that I love. I am healing, I am growing, I am building the life of my dreams. 

Don’t stay stuck. It’s ok to be sad and to hurt, just don’t stay there. It is possible to heal and move on, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Stay strong warriors